At Home and Already Lost

For number one in undergrad study abroad Arcadia has a pretty convoluted way of going about the paper work. I’m studying abroad  planning on studying abroad this coming spring semester at the University of Westminster in London, England. My deadline for the application is October 1st and I'm freaking out that I will not be able to finish everything in time. Every time the finish line is in sight some new bit of paperwork gets in the way. Half of it is online and half are hard copies, then there are some places where everything is duplicated and no amount of meetings with 400 other students planning on studying abroad is going to help me figure this out. I am so utterly confused and I just want someone to hold my hand the entire way through. But no one's ever there to hold your hand so might as well jump in head-first. 

While running all over campus today going to meetings, turning in papers, and requesting transcripts and other bits of my academic career I find that I need a portfolio by yesterday and my tuition may not be covered. Its simply just too much. After raising my hands in frustration I laid them back down on my keyboard and began to send out copious emails requesting help. Yes they're needy and desperate because, at the moment, I'm needy and desperate. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

All I want to do is lay around and watch Halloween shows. It may not be October yet but if the mailing room at Arcadia gets to put up a festive garland then I get to completely trick out my apartment. Which looks amazing and smells as if someone's been baking pumpkin bread all day. 

Hopefully all my fears are for naught and I'll get over to England and everything will be alright and all my courses will transfer properly. But Murphy's Law is constantly ringing in my head, "If anything can go wrong, it will." I have twenty years or unfortunate truth that proves this law holds true. 

Enrolled in Zombie Tech

I have just had the stark realization that I may in fact be a zombie. Maybe this is some latent gene that has been laying in wait for the perfect moment of self-ignorance. What scares me is I do not seem to be the only one with this gene. I think every single student may possess this genetic anomaly.

            Waking up this morning I went through my tried and true routine occasionally checking the clock. The thought briefly crossed my mind to skip my upcoming class (but again, part of the routine) regardless I went out the door. Plugged in my ear buds and trudged the agonizing three tenths of a mile to campus only occasionally taking one out to offer a wave or a half-hearted greeting. Then I walked into class and sat. And waited. And waited. And others came in a sat. And they waited. In a class of about fifteen there were at least twelve of us in there waiting for something to happen. One third did not do the required reading and all were complaining about sleep-deprivation. Then the oddly awake freshmen strolls in and asks “Did no one see the sign outside the door saying class is cancelled?” Apparently not.

            I never thought about straying from my daily routine because I was not thinking. Just half-heartedly making it through the paces to get a decent participation grade. Looking at the facts I was not prepared for class this morning, did not have enough sleep, and honestly may have absorbed less than half of what went on in class that day. Why did I go in to my first class today rather than sleeping in and being well-rested? Because it is not part of the routine to be well-rested. It is not part of the routine to be prepared. If I can get through my day with an expert display of half-assadry, why should I change it? I am not the only one that suffers from this recent zombification of the modern student—there were eleven other people in that room.

            Why do I go to class knowing that I'm not going to absorb anything and am only partially prepared? Because I can. Because going through the paces to get the degree still gets the degree and I have deemed other facets of my life are more important. Part of me wants to say I can do it all: school, work, friends, everything--but that just isn't possible with eight hours of sleep. My current occupation is student and that is where the majority of my time and effort should go towards. Why then am I still unprepared and sleep-deprived? Are taking extra classes and overloading myself in every way really the best option right now? It’s time we as a generation took time to smell the roses and stop.

            Just stop.

            Stop running, stop rushing, and stop doing everything so half-assed. If sleep-deprived let it be from school work. There is something to be said for passion in what I do and that is what's lacking. Time to re-evaluate where I want to be and where I am. Is this going to get me to my end goal? Hopefully, but next time I'll pay attention to the signs.