I’ve had a recent revelation of sorts. Partially due to a recent series of events in my love life, but these are more the last straw in the long line of events towards a revelation. Although I’m 99% sure that no one reads this blog. Beware! About to put up intensely person things! Well not really names and date are changed. But I hope you all just got really excited only to be let down. If so we have something in common. That huge let down after some glorious spurt of anticipation everyone has experienced it. From this point many possible paths appear. Either keep waiting blaming the let down on a fluke and that all the anticipation will eventually pay off, retracing your steps to see if something went awry, or as I recently tried to do—accept the let down closing that door and moving on. I know what this sounds like: how to get over rejection, you can see the steps to getting over a breakup in your mind’s eye. But no I swear there’s more to this thought. Honestly I don’t know why but recently every time that I’ve fully gotten over something, may it be the loss of a family member, finding myself spurred by a possible lover, or a possible job loss, the gods laugh at me a throw a curve ball my way.
Being a broke college student and what not it would be nice to have a summer job. And up until a few weeks ago I thought that was a hope set upon a dream that is forever out of my reach. But by the grace of god I finally have my license. After taking the test and the instructor saying absolutely nothing I thought for sure I had failed for a fifth time. This woman held my fate on her clipboard. One wrong check and I could kiss my summer goodbye. I knew the outcome—a fifth time failure. While I was already thinking about when to schedule my next test and what I did wrong she turned to me and said “Ok you can come inside and get your picture taken.” The walk inside still escapes my memory but I did it and got that little piece of laminated freedom.
All week prior to the test I had been applying to everything under the sun and got nothing back. No emails, no calls, no carrier pigeons—nothing. Yet one day out of the blue a call from apple bees. After that I called places left and right and now may have multiple offers. Obviously after that I was tickled pink and will hopefully be hired by one of the fine establishments I applied at.
Now to the romantic story, although it did draw me to this new conclusion I doubt anyone will be interested. But the story has its significance so please bear with me. I’ve been crushing on this guy for a while, a long while, a really long while. That was up until this past holiday season. New Year’s proved to be a night of new beginnings for me one of these beginnings being leaving the crush in the old year. Honestly I barely thought about it after that night. Then a semester passed and I came home for the summer and we saw each other, and friends told me things, and I noticed things. Touches, statements, blatant hitting on me, I may not be the smoothest person in the world but I know when someone is hitting on me. After a serious bout of confusion it all cleared up: he is crushing on me. On New Year’s I made no attempt to hide my desires but he straight faced refused me. A let down. But a let down that I came to terms with and moved on from.
What I have gathered from all of this is a new outlook to things. That only when you completely accept the worst possibility or face the reality that you may be disappointed can you get what you want. With the romance thing I kept asking myself “why now?” “what changed?” The truth being that I changed. I think its accepting the worst is what makes us better and stronger for the future. And it is how someone deals with disappointment or unfavorable circumstances that determine their future. It may be that there is someone sitting on a cloud somewhere far above my head laughing at my utter confusion. But the much more likely possibility is that this disappointment changed me into someone stronger; or that my acceptance of not getting a license or thinking that I wouldn’t get a job makes the event that much sweeter and more wonderful.
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